It's been ... one week

Annabelle has been in her harness for a week now. I think overall, we're getting pretty used to it. It's still cumbersome to change her clothes and her diaper, but I have a much better feel for it, and what is the easiest way to do things. There is definitely a learning curve, but not a big one. Clothes are a little easier, as I have learned a sleeper and dresses can go over the harness, and I even managed a pair of pants (although I don't recommend it).

I think my biggest struggle - is the limitations on what she can be dressed in, which is a bit selfish.
I think it dates back to my days as an 8 year old, playing with dolls. You have a doll, and you get to dress her in cute little outfits. You imagine the days when you have your own baby, and you get to do the same.

We found out in October that we were having a second girl. When I was pregnant with Charlotte, we didn't find out the gender of the baby, so there wasn't much thought into clothing. After she was born, people gave us cute things, and I loved getting to dress her in them. With my pregnancy with Annabelle, I was *sure* that she was a boy, so when we found out at 19 weeks that she was a girl (and it was VERY obvious she was), it was a bit of a shock. After a couple weeks, the excitement started building. All the cute outfits and dresses I remember Charlotte wearing - my new little girl would get to wear too! I was elated. I remember looking through all of Charlotte's tiny clothes and crying ... remembering the days she wore them, what we did on those days. I would get to associate a whole new set of memories with these clothes. (I am very sentimental when it comes to things). Before Annabelle was born, I washed them all with love, folded them up neatly, and dreamed. Even better, we had a *TON* of 0-3 month size that Charlotte was never able to wear - by the time she was big enough to fit in them, the weather was too cold. But this time, my baby would be able to wear them! Outfits that had lovingly been selected for Charlotte, that she wore maybe once, would be able to be used on Annabelle.

When we came home from the orthopedic doctor last week, other than fear for my daughter's future, was sadness about the clothes. Annabelle wouldn't get to wear most of them. I dug through the drawer that night with tears rolling down my face, and separated the clothes she would be able to wear from the ones she wouldn't.

A lot of this week was filled with anger at God. Why does He have so much confidence in my ability? Why us?
Fear. What if the harness doesn't work? What if my baby has to go in a cast - or even worse: surgery. The harness has a 90-95% success rate. What does that look like for TWO dislocated hips? That still means 5-10% of babies need more intervention than just the harness. I lost sleep. I had dreams of my baby in a cast with a hole cut in the middle for a diaper area. I had dreams of her walking funny. I had dreams of kids pointing at her and laughing because she walked funny.
Frustration. I know the harness has a great success rate - I should be happy about that, right? This is minor, right? It looks minor right now. Why do I feel this way, is this normal? THIS IS MY BABY, and I'm afraid for her, no matter how minor it may seem.